09/12/08

Visit the Downloads page for an mp3 of Lazër's recent interview with Ben & Skin on Live 105.3 FM. Hear another new track from Twatobahn and check out the exclusive new song Lazër made just for Ben & Skin!


06/11/08

Visit the Downloads page for an mp3 of Lazër's recent interview with Live 105.3. Get the latest info on Twatobahn and hear Briso and Hammel perform an exclusive new song.


04/22/08

Twatobahn delayed again! Lazër forced to revise sophomore album after advance copy causes reviewer's head to explode.


01/01/08

Wack rappers distraught as Sneaky announces new solo LP to be released after Twatobahn.


11/28/07

Lazër to play one special show before resuming haitus for at least six more months.


09/04/07

Lazër's skeletons exit closet, discover debut album.


08/05/07

Impatient hussies scour the globe in search of Lazër as The Sons of Rhineland's haitus enters its second month.


06/25/07

Lazër performance at Women Against AIDS benefit ends in massive, unprotected orgy.


06/11/07

Lazër Crow's mercenary skills in high demand. Read more.


05/21/07

Lazër profiled by The Sub-Rosa. Go here to read the article & interview.


04/25/07

Lazër blitzkriegs the entire industry on new track entitled "Jackin' for Beatz" (go here to listen).


03/16/07
Lazër debuts "Night Moves" video (below).



12/06/07

Lazër and 2007 International World Champions of Rock Music Honchie team for mega-release party at Curtain Club show this Friday night. Lazër to premiere the long-awaited "Night Moves" music video, while Honchie will release their sophomore album. Click here for more details. This message brought to you by www.InternationalWorldChampionsOfRockMusic.com.


11/14/06

Lazër releases new diss track aimed at unnamed rivals. Song to be included on Lazër's sophomore album Twatobahn. Visit Hammel's MySpace page to hear the track.


10/02/06

Lazër t-shirts now available in the Lazër Store along with other merch.


08/13/06

Music's new power couple? Hammel of Lazër and Peaches to wed in secret ceremony later this year.


07/29/06

Briso named winner of "Name Lazër's New Album" contest for his entry, Twatobahn. LP to drop in late 2008.


07/11/06
Lazër moves recording sessions to Def Star Studios after Hammel complains of paranormal encounters in Tate Mansion.


06/26/06

Briso debuts new line of "U-N-I-SEX" headwear.


06/08/06

Hammel hospitalized after Lazër Crow's eye malfunctions, burns crotch.


06/04/06

Lazër to perform at SportsRadio 1310 The Ticket's Summerbash in Lewisville on June 16. See tour page for more info.


06/01/06

Dirk Nowitzki accomodates Lazër in his mansion as mechanical problems ground Concorde, delay return flight to Rhineland.


05/11/06

Lazër prepares to return in style with shows in Fort Worth with Honchie and Dallas with Alligator Dave on back-to-back weekends.
See Tour page for complete show schedule.


05/10/06
New Lazër music and interviews posted on Downloads page.


05/03/06
Whale Voice's Lane Rackets negotiating purchase of Tate Mansion for recording of next Lazër album.


04/22/06

Lazër's "M-F-F-L" wins online fan poll to become official song of the Dallas Mavericks, but loses celebrity vote. Click on "Downloads" to hear the track and Hammel's radio appearances, including his diss of the winners, PPT.


03/17/06

Sexy babes attack Briso and Hammel onstage, experience very little resistance.


03/10/06
Lazër disappears en route to U.S. while hovercrafting through the Bermuda Triangle.


02/16/06
Lazër to introduce secret new band member at upcoming show.


12/27/05

Lazër signs seven-figure endorsement deal for new beer.


12/24/05

Hammel says production on second Lazër LP nearing completion, asks Santa for new bandmate and MPC-4000.


12/09/05
Lazër angry with The Source magazine over album review, says next LP will be worth ten mics.


12/02/05
Briso removed fifteen minutes after volunteering for Dallas mall's "Celebrity Santa for a Day" promotion.


11/30/05

Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto developing new game based on "¡Danger! (Lazër Under Siege)." Title to have an '07 launch on Wii.


11/22/05
Statisticians estimate Lazër Crow death toll now approaching 1,000,000; party tentatively scheduled for New Year's Eve.


11/14/05
Lazër's "Night Moves" video shoot wraps amidst rumors of drunken bikers, Keinhorst sightings, and rampant spanking.


10/3/05
Hammel denies Dr. Dre's request for guest appearance on Detox, suggests rap kingpin release Eminem to sign with Whale Voice instead.


10/08/05

Governor Rick Perry cites foreign birth technicality in striking down bill that would see Lazër Crow become new state bird of Texas. Crow unavailable for "caw-ment."


10/03/05
Hammel shot nine times outside Manhattan studio, admitted to Bellevue in critical condition.


09/28/05
Lazër records Kraftwerk cover despite band's protests; lawsuit expected.


09/19/05

Apollo crowd reacts violently to Briso's request that all his "Harlem niggaz make a sexy dance."


09/08/05

Lazër storms UTA campus during Ticket remote. Hardline, police not amused.


08/30/05
Employees of local nursing center say Lazër botched benefit concert, citing "numerous dance-related heart complications and orgy-related fatalities."


08/14/05
Ice von Shredula perfects "shred-sculpting" technique, creates 80' high memorial statue in Keinhorst's likeness from solid block of glacial ice.


08/08/05
Lazër begrudgingly accepts "Best New Artist" award from Gay and Lesbian Music Academy.


08/03/05

Lazër Crow spotted entering NORAD, reportedly freelancing in surveillance and mercenary work.


07/30/05
King David's mistaken-identity woes continue as he turns down invitation to speak at Hebrew College's commencement ceremony.


07/27/05

Hammel returns his Medal of the Rhineland Empire (MRE) in protest of the country's "War on Sexy" campaign.


07/20/05

Let Me Dance You certified gold in U.S., triple-platinum in Europe.


07/2/05
Briso's instructional dance video, Briso Teach You Dance, outsells D-Qwan's latest in first week of release.


07/09/05
Lazër Crow lands in Texas, completing Trans-Atlantic flight in under an hour.


07/08/05

Ice von Shredula inks multi-million dollar deal with Fender for "IvS Signature Series" line of guitars. Company anticipates three models to be released by Christmas, with "at least nine more over the next twelve months."


07/02/05
Hammel ranked #4 on Euro Spin's list of "10 Hottest European Techno/Hip-Hop Producers named 'Hammel'."


06/30/05
Lazër in negotiations with important executives to start line of children's books, clothing.


06/24/05
Let Me Dance You already certified platinum in Europe; steadily climbing U.S. charts.


06/19/05

Rhineland woman files posthumous paternal suit against Keinhorst's estate.


06/12/05
Sources say Hammel has been tapped to produce four tracks for Justin Timberlake's forthcoming LP.


06/07/05
Lazër set to endorse new street legal hovercraft; prototype expected by 2007.


06/02/05

Bob Saget calls Let Me Dance You, "The musical equivalent of Plato's Republic."


05/28/05
Lazër sweeps European Music Awards.


05/23/05
The countdown is over... Lazër's debut album, Let Me Dance You, was released today by Whale Voice Entertainment.


05/11/05
Briso arrested for public nudity... AGAIN.


04/03/05

Survey says 3 out of 4 dentists believe Keinhorst is alive, has time-share in the Bahamas with 2Pac and Andy Kaufman.


03/14/05
Lazër is "so truth," source close to the group claims.


02/26/05
Studies by German scientists suggest Lazër's music can reverse the effects of menopause in middle-aged women.


02/14/05

Wu-Tang co-headlines concert with Lazër in Czechoslovakia, RZA calls Briso "The white O.D.B." Briso reportedly furious with the comparison.